


Do you ever think about Chopper's Blood pressure in the latest arcs he really puts up with a lot keeping his crew alive

by Dragon_in_a_CypressSwamp



Series: Selkie Tales [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author shouts WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE at the Heart Pirates, Character Study, Chopper is fun to write, Gen, Humor, Medical Inaccuracies, Selkies, no particular point in timeline, on Chopper mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_in_a_CypressSwamp/pseuds/Dragon_in_a_CypressSwamp
Summary: When you're sailing with troublemaking friends, your doctors are going to want to know a little about them before they have to save their lives, especially in a world where biology is so diverse.  To that end, Chopper and Traffy share notes, and Chopper makes a startling discovery the jerk never bothered to mention about his crew.This story sounds like another selkie reveal fic but honestly that's scene dressing its REALLY a glimpse into the rising bloodpressure of a reindeer doctor whose friends keep doing dumb things
Relationships: Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates & Tony Tony Chopper, Strawhat Pirates & Heart Pirates, Tony Tony Chopper & Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: Selkie Tales [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806724
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Do you ever think about Chopper's Blood pressure in the latest arcs he really puts up with a lot keeping his crew alive

“EEEEEHHHHHHH?!” Rang out across both ships sailing together.

Nami looks up from her discussion regarding her Tangerine trees with Uni. “Chopper? What is it this time, I wonder?”

.

(20 minutes ago):

“Ah,” Chopper breathes in the smell of the Polar Tang’s infirmaries. “It’s hard to believe Traffy is letting me see his patient records for his crew. It makes sense since, now that we’re friends and allies, us doctors should know these things about the friends we might have to treat in the middle of battle, but somehow I still expected him to refuse!”

Chopper places the first file on the desk and scrambles up into the Traffy-sized chair. He giggles to himself. “I wonder what he’s thinking, having traded places for a few hours?” An air of gloom settles over him. “His files are so neat and orderly, I can’t help but expect them to be well-filled out too…but over on the Sunny…I can barely get anything out of those bastards…I’ve just written down whatever I’ve figured out along the way, like blood types and major injuries I want to keep an eye on…I had to run blood tests because only Robin could tell me which vaccination sequences they’d had, or how long ago…and I just gave them to Zoro anyway since the bastard acts like getting healed after a fight is a huge hassle…stupid! If he’s going to run around trying to get his wounds infected, bleeding on everything, then I’m going to make his immune system one that can fight off any infection, that asshole!”

Chopper poses for a moment, hoof upraised and eyes gleaming in rage…before leaning back on the table in front of him with a sigh. “How embarrassing—another doctor seeing my messy files. Oh well, I need to focus! Traffy has entrusted his crew’s health to my care! Er—to my assistance to his care because we’re still primarily physicians to our own crew but whatever! Heart Pirates! I’ll be sure to cure whatever ails you! Now and in the future! YEAH!”

With this burning will, Chopper flips the first file open. His hoof traces the page. “First Step! Who are you?!”

Chopper finds the first line. “Clione! You’re! Um, I think you’re a gunner or something?” Chopper deflates, squinting at the file, trying to put a picture to the name. “Oh no, I haven’t spent much time with the Heart Pirates—only those days on Zou…when I was wrapped up in my work as a doctor. And then when I finally got to Wano with the rest of the Sanji retrieval team, I was working on the poisoned people…and the cure for SMILE…and there was that Big Mom thing that took me away from everyone else…and all the Heart Pirates were hiding out in the mountains…so I guess I don’t know anyone…”

He rallies after a moment. “But now I will! And I guess I’ll start with patient files! Because I’m a doctor! So who are you, Clione, male, age, uh, 25?!”

Chopper’s hoof moves from entry to entry. “Blood type F! That’s good, I have plenty of that not like Sanji’s! Species! Half-Fishman (frosted sea slug)! Half human-base selkie (frosted sea slug)!”

Chopper pauses, re-reading that. “EH!? But—but all of Traffy’s crew looked human? Except maybe Jean Bart, I’m a little curious if he has giant blood—but that’s not the point the point is—okay, I guess I’m just a little surprised…”

Chopper thinks back to how they’d all smelled. “No, I guess it makes sense. I thought you all smelled like fish and water because you live on a submarine, but by that point…Wano’s fish were all contaminated with poison, you weren’t eating it! Okay! Mystery solved! But—selkie? Are you really a selkie?! Clione! That’s cool, I’ve never met a selkie before! I’ve never treated a selkie before, I wonder what the difference between you and humans is? How does your fishman half and human selkie halves mix?”

Chopper continues reading, intrigued.

He finishes.

He gets up, grabbing the next file.

He opens it.

“Who are you?” He asks the paper happily. “You’re…hmm, a universal donor…and a selkie. That’s nice.”

He reads the file.

He retrieves the next file.

“Who are you? Oh! I know you! Hm, your birthday is soon, I wonder if the Hearts will have a party…blood type, I have that…”

Chopper stares at the page.

He blinks, rubbing his eyes.

He rereads the entry.

“…You’re a selkie too?!” Chopper jumps up, skittering around in surprise. “AH! I didn’t notice at all! I remember treating you on Zou! But I didn’t know you weren’t human! AHHH! Think Chopper think! Remember the procedure! Did I mess something up?! Everything was aligned right, right?! What’s the difference between a selkie and a human?! One’s got a magical seal cloak! AHH, he was all cut up! What if his magic seal cloak needed bandaging too?! What if it’s all scarred up and—uh, AHH how do magic seal people work I didn’t know you were real?! Wait,” Chopper skids to a halt, realizing something. “I’ll just read the file! Traffy must’ve updated them when he met back up with you, right? He’d know better than anyone how you’re doing!”

Chopper trots back to the chair, climbing back on with a sigh of relief. “I forgot for a moment there Traffy’s the one who takes care of you…ah…I’ll ask him about selkie health concerns later, I don’t want any mistakes or misunderstandings. I wonder if Doctorine ever treated a selkie before…” Chopper tilts his head, before nodding to himself. “Probably. But all she said about selkies was ‘sneaky bastards’…and you don’t necessarily take the form of a seal. She didn’t even say if you’re humans who turn into seals, or seals who turn into humans! Like I’m a…”

Chopper pauses again, staring into the middle distance.

“…I’m an idiot,” he informs the wall. The wall, thankfully, doesn’t answer back.

Chopper grabs the base of his antlers and groans. “She told me that riddle because I’m a monster who’s a reindeer and a human and that’s just how I am. Like a selkie is a selkie. Not a human or a seal. And I was too angsty to realize what she meant…so I just got mad she wouldn’t tell me the answer when she literally did…”

Chopper groans at himself for a while before sitting back up, shaking his antlers. “Right! I’ve grown into myself since then, thanks to my friends! And if there’s three of you Law must know a lot about selkies by now so I’ll definitely ask him what he knows! And keep asking him until I get an actual answer out of the recalcitrant jerk!”

Chopper goes back to reading, feeling a little better, determination renewed.

He finishes.

He goes for another file.

“Okay! Now who are you—ah! I know you too! You’re Ikkaku! Yeee, this isn’t too hard, I’ll learn who all of you are soon, and you don’t have weird blood like Sanji and…”

Chopper stops. He just pauses.

“You’re a selkie.”

Thunder crashes.

Chopper blinks, looking up. “Did Nami just hit someone…?”

He pauses again.

“…A doctor should do something about that, if she did.”

He pauses. His ears lay back. His eye might twitch a little.

Thunder crashes again.

“I’m a doctor,” Chopper says flatly.

“ELECTRICAL BURNS ARE SERIOUS YOU JERKS!!” He grabs his first aid kit and runs out.

.

He stomps back into Law’s infirmary, steamed. “How do you treat pervy thought disease?! Sanji’s gonna die of it at this rate! Ugg! Where even was I?!”

He hops back onto the chair, taking in the file still opened on it.

“Oh yes! Ikkaku-san! Someone who is a woman and who I haven’t had to treat for perversion related bloodloss or associated retaliation once!” Chopper says, still steamed. “LET’S SEE WHAT NONSENSE IKKAKU-SAN GETS UP TO!”

Chopper starts from the beginning again since he was interrupted before.

He almost immediately pauses again.

“Oh. That’s right. Every Heart Pirate so far has been a selkie. Including you.”

He pauses again.

“That’s a funny coincidence,” he says, staring blankly at the page without reading further.

Chopper sits there for a moment.

He gets up, trotting over to the file cabinet again. He grows to his larger form. He takes out all the files of all the Hearts he hasn’t looked at yet, pads back to the table, and spreads them out.

He flips them open, looking at the first few lines of each first page.

“You’re a selkie. You’re a selkie. You’re a selkie. You’re—oh, you aren’t a selkie but you’re a fishman. You’re—oh, Jean Bart does have giant inheritance. He’s not a selkie, either. But you, you’re a selkie. You’re a selkie—Bepo is just a mink, not a selkie. But you’re a selkie AND part fishman—“

Chopper goes through them all.

He blinks. “EHHHHH?! EVERYONE’S A SELKIE?!”

He reverts to brain-point with a poof, freaking out. He runs in circles.

After a minute or two, he stops again.

“Calm down, Chopper. You just helped kill a legendary dragon. Your crew includes fishmen, a cyborg, you, a skeleton, and whatever the monster trio are. Most of Traffy’s crew are mythical creatures. This is normal now. This is—so freaking cool!”

Chopper spins around. “Ah! After so many scary things being real its nice to find a peaceful one! I’ve never heard of selkies eating people~! Not like scary dragons, or giant fish, or singing trees~! They’re just seal people! Seals! They eat fish. Not reindeer!”

He flops over, falling limp in relief. “We’re friends, and friends don’t eat friends. So there’s no reason to be scared of Shachi the killer whale man, even though killer whales are scary. I heard there was a pod who managed to kill a sea king once. Scary, scary animals. But he won’t eat me anymore than Bepo would. So I’m not scared of you, crew full of selkie men, I…”

Chopper has a sudden thought.

He looks towards the file cabinet, with its one file he hasn’t look at at all yet.

Law’s.

“No…” Chopper argues. “No. I’d know, right? My sense of smell is better than that. But he does smell kinda—no, no. He can’t be. I spent all that time with him—and Luffy can’t keep these things a secret he’d have announced Traffy was the moment we met up again—nobody has mentioned it at all—but…”

Despite his denials, he inches over to the cabinet again.

He pulls out the file Law keeps on himself, feeling vaguely like he’s invading privacy while doing so. He shakes it off by reminding himself that if Law gets knocked unconscious or has his arms cut off (again), it’s Chopper who’ll probably be treating him.

He opens the file to the first page.

“EEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!!!!????”

He nearly drops the file, pointing to the incriminating line like it’ll move if he doesn’t pin it down.

It doesn’t change while he stares at it.

Species: Selkie (human, largha seal)

Law is a selkie.

And the jerk never mentioned it.


End file.
